It Is Not Well With My Soul
Honestly, it isn’t.
I grew up singing the words “It Is Well With My Soul” pretty regularly in church services. Loud, proud, and routine. Through these lyrics, I was taught to believe no matter what life threw my way, it was well. I believed it was my duty to embrace and trust God through the challenges, heartaches, losses, and strife. While trusting God has now become a tenant of my faith, I was taught early on in the Christian walk to surrender my emotions and smile through the pain.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
The author, Horatio Gates Spafford, wrote this song after losing his 4 daughters in a horrific ship wreck (1873), comparable to the Titanic. While heading across the Atlantic Ocean to be with his wife after this tragic loss, he penned the words after passing over the specific spot where the Ville du Havre sank. (Beth Church Ripon, 2018) As Mr. Spafford and his wife were devout Christians, they made the conscious choice to live their lives on purpose and soon moved to Jerusalem.
A few years ago while watching A Handmaid’s Tale, I started to question how suffering and evil has been explored or used in the Christian church. In the series, one of the characters, Aunt Lydia punishes the main character, June, because she believed that God required pain from us when we disobeyed. Though this show is fictitious, it is not far from history and present-day happenings in the religious world. Many times, in real-life situations, as Christians, we are told to delight in hardships, but my question is this: Is this what our Heavenly Father wants? Does the God of the universe, the greatest Father of all, truly want us to embrace hardships only with joy and without lament?
I’m constantly reminded that Jesus wept y’all. When I look at the life of Jesus, I see that he wept when he learned of his friend Lazarus’s death. And even when he was on his way to the cross, he expressed that he did not want to die yet he still followed through with His Father’s plan. In Jesus paying the ultimate punishment for our sins, I believe we were given the freedom to feel all of the same feelings, he felt, the good ones, the negative ones, and the hard ones.
God gave us all of our emotions. Every one of them came from our Creator. We were meant to feel them, sit with them, learn from them, and welcome them. Sadness and anger are divine emotions meant to be honored and processed, not pushed down into our subconscious and ignored.
One of my best friends used to constantly ask me how I was feeling whenever a difficult time came my way. He would not let me get away with “fine” or “I’m good” when he knew I wasn’t. He encouraged me to genuinely think about how I was feeling and be honest with myself.
Should hard times really be well with my soul? Should I rejoice when heartbreak pops up unexpectedly in my life? Can I truly be asked to see the good in the pain that racist and sexist incidents create in my community? Would you ask that of your children, nephew or niece if they were experiencing challenges and pain?
I will tell you what is well with my soul: God’s hand. His grip on my hand as I walk through and process moments of madness reminds me that He is close and grieving with me. Hebrews 13:3 says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Over and over again, Jesus has provided and validated these words in my life.
As a parent, aunt or uncle, or grandparent, would you want the children in your life to respond with pseudo joy, a fake smile, or “it’s fine” when having to live day to day with a hard moment? Or would you rather them speak truthfully about how they feel? Would you rather them process the pain? I know from deep experience that unprocessed pain, held internally, many times leads to stress, health problems, and mental anguish.
“Stress that's left unchecked can contribute to many health problems, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity and diabetes.” - Mayo Clinic
Sadly, Mr. Spafford and his wife, ended up leading a cult in Jerusalem that began in Chicago. As this was explained in an article by Rev. Angus Stewart (cprc.co.uk), it is upsetting to understand the author of this staple Christian hymn was a “false prophet, a charismatic and a cult leader.” I can’t help but think about how potentially unprocessed grief and pain may have played a part in how Mr. and Mrs. Spafford decided to live in the aftermath of such tremendous heartache.
As God is our “good, good Father,” I cannot see receiving anything but unconditional love and comfort when I am experiencing pain. I cannot see God asking me to ignore the emotions He gave me and not be authentic internally. I cannot fathom my earthly father not giving complete empathy when I am in crisis. With that I do not believe that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit would expect me to be anything less than authentic to my current state while suffering. Therefore, I will advocate for therapy, properly dosed medication and meditation for anyone who needs it to assist with processing grief and pain in a healthy way. The individuals who work in these fields were gifted with the knowledge, heart and compassion for those grieving loss and living with unimaginable life happenings. In acknowledging my pain and sadness, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit meet me here; reminding me that it is okay to not to be okay.
Resources to Help Process Pain